One of our all “Canadian Hero’s went out on the town in Lahr stopping at one of the many pubs for a beer. Feeling pretty good he made his way on foot towards the 1-2-3 Club. On the way he passed a large furniture store, up the street from the Bereitschaftspolizei -4 (German Police Academy - 4) where he decided to “liberate” a large flag as a souvenir. 

 

Around 2 am our all “Canadian Hero” now thoroughly intoxicated, after sampling copious amounts of the local German brew, decides it was time to head home to the barracks.  Along the way he ran into a large chain link fence. In his stated of intoxication he thought he had reached the fence line to the base and decided to climb over it.  Reaching the top he lost his grip and fell over to the other side where he was met by two police women carrying HK 9mm submachine guns patrolling the grounds of the German Police Academy who promptly arrested him.  Did I mention the German police carried HK machine guns while on guard duty in those days due to potential for an internal terrorist attack?

 

While on patrol I received a call that the German Police Academy Duty Sergeant was holding one of our all “Canadian Hero’s” at his guardhouse. After formal introductions between the German Police Duty Sergeant, his officers and myself, and a quick briefing I was introduced to a rather sad looking Canadian soldier slumped in a chair in the corner of the guardhouse.  With the German police watching I proceeded to interview my little intoxicated friend.

 

Me:         Good evening young man do you have any idea where you are ?

Soldier:  No Master Corporal (MCpl)

 

Me:         Where were you trying to go ?

Soldier:  Back to the base MCpl.

 

Me:         So what you are telling me is you were going to climb over the fence to get back to barracks instead of

                using the main gate ?

Soldier:  I thought it was shorter MCpl.

 

Me:         You realize that is a serious offence under German Law and is against Base Standing Orders.

Soldier:  (With a soft, almost whimper) Yes, MCpl

 

Me:         You young man have broken into a German Police Academy campus, a Criminal Offence under German Law. So how about giving me your ID Card ?

 

As he hands it to me I notice the large bulge under his jacket.                      

 

Me:         What’s under the jacket Private

Soldier:  (A little hesitant now) Nothing MCpl.

 

Me:          Let’s see, you’re surrounded by five police officers, you don’t really want to get silly now do you ?

Soldier:  No MCpl

 

The German police sitting or standing as the case maybe, were are all trying to stifle their laughter as they watched him slowly retrieve the stolen flag from under his jacket.

 

Me:         (Looking at the German police and like them trying not to laugh, then at this poor little fellow) You Private you are not too bright are you. So let me spell it out for you: First you get intoxicated and break into a German Federal establishment, that’s offence number 1. Then you get arrested after breaking into the German Police Academy while in possession of stolen property, offence number 2.  You admit you attempted enter the base in an unauthorized manner, that’s offence number 3.  What do think I’m should do with you ?

 

The German police are ready to burst with laughter at this point.

 

Soldier:  Throw me in cells MCpl ?

 

Me:     Private, after what I have seen tonight, you are just too stupid to throw into my cells !

 

The German police break into open hysterics.

 

As there was no real harm done and the German police offered to return the “liberated flag”, the young soldier’s unit was requested to collect their man from the German Guardhouse. After being told of our all “Canadian Hero’s” evening adventure, he was turned over to a most bemused Duty Sergeant.  For weeks the poor lad was referred to as the guy who was to “Too Stupid To Arrest” by his regimental peers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jogi

Canadian Forces Military Police

(Retired)