Two aspiring but hapless carjackers let two victims slip through their clutches because the would-be crooks couldn’t shift for themselves.

Speaking strictly in transmission terms, that is.

Apparently neither of the suspects could drive a manual transmission.

The man and gun-toting woman had to abandon the two vehicles they tried to swipe Monday night when they couldn’t make either machine move, said Milwaukee police Capt. Joseph M. Purpero.

“Apparently neither of the suspects could drive a manual transmission,” Purpero explained.

Instead of stalking the driver of a car with full power and all the toys, the pair chose to demand the keys to a 1990 Toyota Tercel from a woman outside a tavern in the 2400 block of N. Fratney St., Purpero said.

The 22-year-old victim complied, and the crooks piled into the Tercel, but piled right out again when they discovered the economy car was PRNDLess.

” . . . Leaving the keys inside,” Purpero noted.

Not sure she was out of danger, the 22-year-old made a beeline for the tavern, but the male carjacker tried to block her path.

Enter victim No. 2, a 40-year-old man apparently on his way to the tavern who attempted to intervene on the woman’s behalf, Purpero said. The undaunted crooks turned their gun on him and demanded his ignition keys.

He, too, complied quickly, leaving the robbers in possession of a pickup truck - with a stick shift.

Within minutes both jumped out of the truck and fled westbound on foot in the 700 block of E. Wright St. - presumably in search of a driving school.

The suspects were still at large Wednesday, but police had good descriptions of them. The woman is said to be 5 foot 6 to 5 foot 8 inches tall, weighing 160 to 180 pounds, wearing a dark oversize shirt, black pants and red dyed hair in a headband. The man is described as 6 foot 3, 210 pounds, with short black hair and dark clothes.

Appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on April 18, 2001

Hello fellow crime fighters!

I retired from the Riverside County District Attorney’s office last November.

The high point of my career as a DA was being the dope prosecutor for the entire Eastern Division of the county, that ran from just west of Palm Springs all the way east to the Arizona border.

During my 3 year 1 month “reign of terror” as the “drug czar of the desert” (…nickname from some of my beloved dope cops…much preferred to the nickname I got from the defense bar—Cartel Brhel—), we sent a lot of bad guys to prison.

That’s because I had lots of great dope cops to work with and generally just tried to stay out of their way, so they could do their jobs. Like I told them repeatedly, I was merely the piano player.

I played the tunes for the lyrics they wrote to accompany all the bad guys antics. Their hard work made me look like I knew what the hell I was doing in the courtroom. As a team, we all had a lot of fun, and took care of business.

Anyhow, here’s my true story. A few months ago, I was driving eastbound on Ramon Road in Palm Springs, California, approaching Gene Autry Trail. On the south side of the road, I saw a hand-painted sign that read “Meth for sale.”

At first thought I was seeing things. I actually drove around the block a second time. I couldn’t believe my eyes. But, on the second go around, I saw the same thing, driving so slowly I was afraid some other motorist would rear end me.

Chuckling so much, I was afraid I might not be understood, I nonetheless telephoned Sgt. Walt Madison, supervisor of the Palm Springs Narcotics Task Force, and left him a voice mail message sharing what I’d just observed.

Walt is a great guy who’s been a cop forever (…SWAT team supervisor, etc…), turned the case over to one of his task force investigators to check it out. According to Walt, it turned out to be real. Yes Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus.

In other words, I wasn’t seeing things, and it wasn’t a joke. Somebody was actually advertising the fact they had methamphetamine for sale. As Madison turned the case over to be worked, he commented “…Brhel told me he saw it himself. There must be something to this, no matter how totally stupid it sounds…”

In other words, some idiot was actually selling dope and advertising that fact on the sign the PSNTF investigator later seized. I understand it now proudly resides near her desk at the PSPD station. I also understand one bad guy went to jail.

While I was with the Sheriff’s Dept. in a county in the upper part of South Carolina, I heard a noise outside my house one night about 2200 hours (8:00PM) and went out to check it out.

I saw was 3 men next door at a car dealer loading tires up in a U-Haul truck. I had a pair of short pants and a t-shirt on and I went up to the gentlemen and asked if I could help them load up the truck.

I told them they’d need to hurry because at 2215 a city police cruiser would be making rounds through that lot. They said thanks and we got the truck loaded in about 5 minutes flat. I asked them where the lock was that was to go on the truck. After they handed me the lock I put it on the truck. Then I pulled by badge out of my pocket and identified myself as a deputy. The look on thei face was one I’ll never forget. They looked like they had seen a ghost. I had the men lie on the ground with their hands behind their heads until the city police showed up.

A woman who stopped her vehicle near Owaka, 27km southwest of Balclutha, on Saturday night and flagged down a following car to ask if the police “booze bus” had left the area, was surprised to discover she had stopped an unmarked police car.

The woman was breath-tested and subsequently charged with drink-driving.

“If drink-driving was not such a serious matter this would have been very funny,” Sergeant Kelvin Lloyd of Balclutha police said.

The woman was one of four people charged with drink-driving after a blitz in South Otago at the weekend. A total of 381 vehicles were stopped.

I was in DUI enforcement when I just completed the roadside work on a DUI suspect. Because it was a Saturday night, and I was the only traffic/DUI deputy working, I was busy and rushing. After placing the suspect in my car and completing a quick search of the suspect vehicle, I drove north on US-1 with my suspect to the county jail, while the tow truck with the suspect’s car headed south.

The suspect then asked me if anything would be disturbed in the car, and I said, “no, it will be secured until you pay the tow bill.”

He then replied in a releived tone, “Good. I mean, the DUI I can handle, I’m just glad you didn’t find all the cocaine in my car.”

After making a rapid U-turn after the tow truck that would make the Dukes of Hazzard proud, I stopped the tow truck and found about a half-dozen rocks of cocaine I had missed earlier.

Ironically, the fact he made such a stupid admission to me was used as evidence in his impairment for DUI!

I am 16 and I live in the United Kingdom. Here’s a story for the site. Last summer our grade had to do work experience. A mate of mine did two weeks in a local magistrates court. A guy was on trial for nicking a mobile phone from a handbag. Apparantly the owner of the phone realised it was missing, rang it and asked who was speaking. The thief foolishly told the woman his name. He was arrested five minutes later.

My partner and I initiated a traffic stop after observing a car run a stop light, nearly rear-ending another car. The driver didn’t have his license, proof of insurance or registration so we called in his name and other information into our dispatch office to verify. While we were waiting for verification, the suspect suddenly fled from his vehicle. A foot chased ensued, but eventually we lost contact with the suspect.

Our dispatcher reported that the information the suspect gave was fictional. After returning to the suspect’s vehicle, we inventoried its contents before towing. Inside the car we found child support receipts, a housing application and mail; all belonging to Terrance Whitehead.

A quick trip to the county jail resulted in us finding a mug shot from jail records which positively identified Mr. Whitehead as the suspect who had fled.

Using the information found on record and the addresses listed on the documents retrieved from the car, we visited five (5) of Mr. Whitehead’s last known residences Those addresses included the homes of his: friends, cousins, parents and eventually his estranged wife. Later that evening, he called the Sheriff’s Office saying he fled because his license was suspended and that he was on probation.

The next afternoon he turned himself in saying there wasn’t any point in running anymore. After he was arrested and escorted to jail, he asked how we found out who he was so quickly. At that point I gave him back his mail, receipts and application.

“It’s not a matter of if we find you, just when…”