Thanks to former trooper Carl Stutzner for this classic:

Having been a state police trooper for 24 years, I’ve had my share of experiences with dumb crooks.

We were being plagued by a rash of gasoline thefts from school busses at a local school. One night we were called by neighbors who saw a suspicious vehicle pull into the bus park.

My partner and I proceeded to the location, doused our lights and exited the vehicle. Wandering through the bus park I observed a subject stooping next to a bus with one end of a hose in the fuel tank, the other attached to a fuel can. He was very obviously siphoning gas from the school bus.

His accomplice must have seen us coming and fled through the woods leaving him on his own.

I stood quietlybehind him and he said, “Hand me another can.”

I hapily obliged. I asked him what he was doing. He promptly replied that we were “getting some (expletive deleted) gas.”

Needless to say he was arrested and convicted. He plead not guilty but was found guilty as charged.

The judge had trouble composing himself during sentencing. The subject was eventually sentenced to 90 days with credit for time served.