Attempting to steal an unmarked cop car with sheriff’s deputies inside is pretty difficult, yet a stupid serial car thief thought, Hey, you know what? I think I’ll try to swipe this car.

Officers were surveying an abandoned car on Interstate 15 in Utah on March 25.

Deputies claim that John Whitehead drove up next to said unmarked vehicle. Dressed in black, he then walked up to the car, carrying a flashlight while using it as a club, ready to break in. One of the deputies says that he waited until Whitehead was at the window, whereupon he pointed a gun at the dumb thief. What was the thief’s excuse for this? He wanted to see if the deputy was OK. However, a search on Whitehead tied him to several other abandoned car break-ins along Interstate 15 from Nephi, Utah, to Las Vegas, Nevada.

As you might expect, our stupid serial car thief was arrested.

I was an assistant manager at a popular consumer electronics store about two years ago. Two men came into our store, and wanted two portable DVD players (valued at $350 a piece). The associate, who was helping them, thought there was something funny going on, so he got the DVD players, and as they were looking at them, Brian (our associate) picked up our store cell phone and took a picture of them. Then Brian showed the idiots the picture he had just taken and said “look at this cool camera phone, I just took a picture of you!” The idiots said “that’s tight! I should come get one of those!” They then proceeded to grab the DVD players and run out the door with them. The picture was sent to the police station and sent to all of the other branches of this electronics store.

Aurora, Illinois
My dumb sister’s boyfriend and my brother were at my sisters and they were at the house with nothing to do. They are so smart that they decided to just go “see” what the person next store had. When my sister’s boyfriend went into the house the neighbor across the street seen him and she called the police. He stole “Very Valuable thing”…. some cigarettes and all fake worthless jewelry that was less than 10 bucks. But he was sentenced 3 months in jail and now they be checking up on him. Luckily for my brother he was a minor they just gave him probation.

A dummy in Tampa, Florida, is in jail after he allegedly asked two police officers, who (of course) were in full uniform, to test a crack pipe for him.

Police say that the dummy did not know if he was being sold real crack, so he approached the two cops and requested that they test his pipe so he could be certain.

The officers tested the stuff and (you guessed it) it was the real thing. Authorities say that the unidentified man (our dummy) was busted after the stuff in his crack pipe tested positive for crack cocaine.

Jail records list him as a security worker at MacDill Air Force Base.

Two armed men wearing ski masks crept away from a failed robbery attempt after they had picked a cashless credit union, according to authorities.

The unidentified nitwits scurried into the First Pacific Credit Union in Benicia, California, around noon on March 16, police said.

Police also claim that after the two hapless hoodlums ordered workers to lie down and give the nitwits money, the suspects were told that there was no cash that could be given to them.

According to Benicia Police Captain Steve Mortensen, the men tried to rob a “cashless credit union” where the money is placed in a vault that is not accessible to most employees.

The men ran away from the scene, and no one was injured. Police were trying to determine whether the nitwits had tried other robberies around Benicia, which is located about 35 miles northeast of San Francisco.

“I would say that apparently they weren’t really prepared,” Mortensen said.

Five teens have been busted after police found dozens of underage drinkers at a party over the weekend in New Hampshire that was being held to raise money to bail another teen out of jail who was being held in Massachusetts.

Authorities claim that they discovered the party at the American Legion hall, located in Pelham, New Hampshire, on the evening of March 18 when a cop saw four people acting in a suspicious manner in a van outside the building. They also said that they took 76 minors into protective care and arrested six others. Among the arrestees was a 16-year-old girl who tried to get away by jumping out a window.

Police say that they expect that they will charge the people who hosted the party.

The speed-dial feature on a cell phone can be a convenient one–that is, if you’re not an arsonist and you don’t call 9-1-1.

Police in Enid, Oklahoma, say that they have caught two simpletons after 9-1-1 dispatchers listened as the suspects hatched their evil plan.

Enid police Captain Jim Nivison says that it appears that one of the two simpletons pressed the wrong button on his cell phone.

According to the police Captain, the cops have four hours’ worth of audio tape that recorded the two men talking about setting a car on fire.

Nivison even quoted one of the simpletons as saying, “I’ve got the lighter, Dude. Let’s go.” Johnny Ray Miller and Robert Patterson are now being held on charges of arson and conspiracy. Their ages were not given.